The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do? | Life and style | The Guardian
Swipe right - online dating for the real world . on that level of support for every year to come, which means we still need to ask for your help. You'd be shocked how easy -- and common -- it is to have an online affair. Use these 5 techniques to find out if your significant other is has an. It recently transpired that my boyfriend of 15 months has been looking at girls on a dating website that he used to use before he met me. I found.
This should help you with both. The shock and disappointment you feel now or the numbness will take some time to get over, but it always passes. I promise; you will get past this. But I do not want you to think it will pass, and everything will automatically be okay.
If you do not change the underlying dynamics of your marriage, which you can accomplish without his involvement, this, and other problems, will keep cropping up again, and again.
The ONLY thing that will work long term is to change the underlying dynamics of your marriage My ONLY desire is to help you get your marriage back, and we are very good at that. We have helped countless women do so; ones who were told it was impossible by others.
It is not easy to hear that your husband would not have strayed if your marriage was better. But if you pretend things at home were fine until he strayed you are fooling yourself. Things were NOT fine!
If they were, and he thought so too, he would cherish you and never do anything to hurt you. His straying is a wake up call, or a death knell; that is up to you. Do nothing positive and proactive and your marriage will keep getting worse; guaranteed.
But if you take positive action you will not only save your marriage, but you will be able to have a great marriage; I promise you that, too. It is up to you. Marriage is the deepest and most holy relationship you will probably ever have.
It is between two souls. It means the pure soul of each of you is supposed to utilize your mind, your body, and your self control for the purpose of expressing love, in ways not possible in any other relationship; marriage is the perfect hive for that. Those couples who live in such a sweet loving marriage never consider cheating. Not because it is immoral, but because their hearts minds and souls are so full of love that the thought never enters into their mind. The other reasons, which follow, are trite in comparison.
True, some men never should have gotten married. Those few are cursed with true mental disorders, or are evil a hard bar to reach. But in the vast majority of cases this kind of thing is very healable. When handled right, the men come back to their senses. This article is not for you if where you want to start, and end, is with condemnation of your husband.
That would mean you already decided your marriage is over. We want your marriage to be resuscitated and set back on track; to be better than ever. That approach is neither realistic or permanent. You will learn to understand him, his weaknesses, and how he succumbed.
Otherwise you will never be able to forgive what he did.
Understanding is essential in marriage, anyway. So it is a power you will also use to build your marriage. What you should do now, and in the future This is the main purpose of the article. The emotional impact, although destabilizing, has to be set aside, best you can, using both techniques, and the great alchemist; time. You will get started on that pathway.
You have to get back on track Why should you save your marriage? Just for the kids? It takes a real commitment to put the time and effort into healing, so whatever incentive works for you; go with it.
If you already did something, you cannot undo it. Do not confront your husband Confrontation causes people to dig their hole even deeper. We want to bring you two closer to having a good marriage, not further apart. If you ignore this warning, or already confronted him, there are possibilities you can expect. He will lie — lying is the most common reaction. It is a primal defense; to run away from danger. And, because he has already been lying it is what straying is, in a way it is pretty easy to just go deeper into the lies.
He will make impossible-to-keep promises — i. I made a mistake, it will never happen again most commonlets work on our marriage…etc.
- What To Do If You Find Your Husband On Dating Sites?
- What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating
- The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do?
Unless the dynamics of your marriage change, what you have now, is what you will always have. He will blame; you, your parents, the girl at the office, or… you get the picture.
Nobody behaves well when confronted. Pointing these out to him will backfire! Do not tell anyone what he did This is a cardinal rule for marriage, anyway. Marriage is a closed-off-to-the-world deal. Only the two of you are ever supposed to know what is going on within your marriage, and that practical rule is especially true for your problems. Hide any and all marital problems from your kids You are supposed to provide an ultra safe environment, as in cocoon safe, for your children.
Your marriage is not meant to be shared with your children, but provide the love, examples training and security they need. You should NEVER criticize or condemn your husband, anyway; but especially in front of your children. I used to be among the very few who advised against confrontation, condemnation, and venting.
Thank God more people are getting wiser! But, the anger will subside. You will be able to forgive him, and your life will not end. The above keeps you from making things even worse. You may write in to us if you would like to understand better, or if you have any other questions about your marriage. Our specially trained counselors can explain whatever you need.
Found out my boyfriend signed up for a dating site
It is what we are here for. But they succumb to temptations. It is a bad choice. You also have a choice; right now. You have two general perspectives to choose from Judge your husband.
Which will move your marriage to its end. Which will begin the shift towards a good marriage. It means they ARE judging, and choose to not allow any understanding driven compassion and forgiveness into their heart. None of that works.
If you ever want a fulfilling marriage, with love as its core, you will need to make some big shifts in your thinking and changes in your behaviors. It is worth it! It is not ignoring or accepting the grotesqueness of the offence, which never has to be done, as much as it is about opening your heart.
What To Do If You Find Your Husband On Dating Sites?
You may want to react. You may get defensive and angry. Try your best not to do that. That is not suggested or implied. Yet, no one should be too surprised by certain reactions individuals have to their environment. And our counselors, who I personally train and hire to answer questions, are not allowed to tell anyone what to do, either.
The following are reactions men who stray have to their marriage. Some are self-created, while others are due to poor marriage behaviors on the part of their wife. You can use these as a way of gaining insight into your own situation.
All of these are fixable. Boredom There can be many causes for boredom, but usually it is due to a breakdown in positive interactions. The causes always are due to the couple not having enough practical marriage aptitude. Marriage is complicated, but looks simple. So, their marriage, and relationship.
When it becomes too burdensome anyone will seek escape. If this is you, stop right here and please check out the Journey Inward and start doing some inner work.
He is keeping his options open. When a man is committed to you he is committed to contributing to your happiness as well.
Unless he is a complete idiot, he is aware this would not make you happy. A man committed to you would rather lose his arm than cause you despair. This may also be a sign to you that you are a lot more invested into him than he is into you. Is he really your boyfriend or has your imagination carried you away in this relationship? They keep these secrets because they fear your emotional reaction. They are pacing the relationship in their own minds to a degree.
Bottom line here though is this. At this moment, today, right now, you are most likely more invested and farther ahead in this relationship than he is. This will only put him on the defense and he very well may play the blame shifting game as in make you feel like crap for snooping in the first place.
Managing your emotions is something that you will be glad you did later down the road as opposed to going bat shit crazy on him. Consider how you discovered this gut wrenching piece of information. I am not on a dating site, even though it appears I am.